An Analysis of Puke

* warning * - gross details coming up, but you knew that already from the title of this post.

... since you're still reading, I assume you're comfortable and I'll give a honest to goodness account of my barf experiences. I like a no holds barred documentation:

What did I know about morning sickness before I became pregnant?

1. That it doesn't necessarily just occur in the morning.
2. That it can carry on for more than the usual 1st trimester.
3. Than 1/3 of pregnant women (lucky few) do not experience it at all in pregnancy.
4. That it’s due to the accumulation of acids in the stomach.

But, I didn't know that all barfs are not made equal (based on my own experience, anyway):

1. The Fake-O Barf

This is where you feel all nauseated, but when you run to the toilet, all you can do is retch and gag – nothing comes up. False alarm, and no relief. Most frustrating, because somehow, the minute you leave the toilet, the desire to puke will return all over again and you run to the toilet, etc etc. Most disruptive.

2. The Non-Barf

I call this the non-barf because no food comes up. You’re retching and gagging, just like normal puking but all that comes up is a clear, saliva like liquid, except that it is very sour and sometimes bitter. Tastes gross, obviously, and you can almost feel the corrosion on your teeth. This usually occurs when the stomach has been empty of food for an extended period of time. My guess is that the only stuff that can come up are the acids themselves.

3. The Half-Barf

A rather half hearted attempt at barfing, not because the barf-er is not willing to throw up, but just that the food coming up is not quite cooperating. You want to throw up, but there’s difficulty getting the food out. Not much food comes up – a most unfulfilling and rather painful barf. ‘Cos you end up half choking over the toilet bowl, as food gets stuck in your throat. Think strands of (half chewed) hokkien mee stuck midway between your esophagus and mouth – enough said.

4. The All-In-One Barf

You suddenly feel the food coming up, you run to the toilet bowl and everything comes up smoothly in one go (sometimes quite violently too). This one definitely qualifies as a hurl. Fuss free, clean, no mess, no wasting time hanging around the toilet bowl. For me – the best kind. There is immediate relief because the stomach acids causing the discomfort are all gone with the upchuck. Only downside – must eat again because stomach is now empty.

Morning sickness is always one of the first few symptoms that is brought up whenever pregnancy is mentioned; it's also commonly seen as one of the more painful symptoms to be endured. But for me, puking brings relief, especially if it’s type #4. It’s almost second nature to me now. Much better than to suffer never ending nausea and discomfort in the stomach. Although, I do accede – you get red in the face, have blood pumping through your face fit to burst and get bloodshot eyes from the effort involved. And of course it’s very bad if it prevents you from keeping food down at all.

And no matter what my doc says about eating dry toast every 2 hours to prevent morning sickness, I believe that if my body wants to puke, it’s going to do so anyway regardless of whatever preventive measures I try to take. None of those dried biscuits or crackers that I took has ever done anything for me.